Inspired by Jessica Morrell’s Power Writing workshop, and her new book THANKS, BUT THIS ISN’T FOR US, www.writing-life.com, I have followed her prescription for deleting adverbs, modfiers, qualifiers, and intensifiers (see pages 136-140), and counting how often my scenes include sounds, sensations, smells, and colors.
The goal is to ADD POWER, not fluff. Use nouns and action verbs to tell what’s important.
In my Chapter 1, 13 pages, approx. 3,250 words:
36 intensifiers (absolutely, actually, really, very, quite, etc.) and eliminated all but 6. I kept “quite” in dialogue of several women, being polite, eliminated it from male dialogue twice.
135 modifiers, and eliminated two dozen: the high treetops, ["top" = high above], an open palm, [a palm has to be open to be a palm, doesn't it?], do no damage to her reputation as a good girl, [unnecessary, because the risk is to damage a good reputation, not a bad one], the warm and waning afternoon [time of day matters here], a modest alcove [could there be an alcove that wasn't small? or one that was immodest?]; offended by the intrusive question [offended can carry the load]. The diminutive post master is now shown to be short by standing next to someone large.
But I’m keeping the “indolent cat” that is carried to its “cushion lair in the corner.”
26 adverbs, and eliminated half. Example: my character wipes his hands clean before handling a book of Shakespeare reverently – but his act of cleaning his hands first shows his respect for the book, and in the next line I say it is as fine a volume as the Bible, so “reverently” is an unnecessary adverb.
In these pages, also found:
7 sounds that aren’t speech/human;
6 references to touching or feeling something [tactile];
2 smells;
4 descriptions of the effect of light/shade.
1 taste
A daunting but helpful exercise. Another benefit is that reading aloud with this detailed eye, I found “pirates” and “private” used in the same sentence, “go through” and “go in” in same sentence. “His speech was cool and crisp, quite correct” became “His speech was cool and correct.”
Thanks, Jessica! I’m adding these all to my editing checklist.
